Thursday, May 6

7 hours of Reflection

Today I said g’bye to college, to my freshman year, my extra-humble abode, to my friends, the Minimalist, and the city and lifestyle I’m quickly falling in love with. Saying g’bye brought up a lot of things. Here’s some of them:

Along with my need to express emotions comes with a lack of sentimentality. Just like when I left home, I didn’t take a long, wistful look back at my room. I didn’t take one last walk through campus, remembering my first impressions. Nor did I try to recreate my first meal in the dining hall. Frankly, I was ready to leave. I felt like this was the right time for things to end, I was ready for a change. So I snapped a few pictures before I packed all my crap (there was so damn much!) and that was that.

The Minimalist and I are going to be fine. We’ll make it through the summer.

I’ve learned a lot over this year. I’ve learned the limit of my narcissism and what I truly need to be happy. I learned that when you put other people’s enjoyment as a priority you get to share in that enjoyment (Country taught me that little nugget). I’ve gained confidence and taken another step closer to being…an adult. And that doesn’t scare me as much as it used to.

While I will always feel comfortable and happy in the Dirty Dirty, it is slowly becoming less and less like my home. Driving in today it all seemed so…foreign. The Boro, on the other hand, is starting to seem more like my home. I want it to be my home. It has everything I want in a home (or should I say, in a home that isn’t the Big Apple). And maybe part of this new love affair with the Boro is stemming from my need for a home (sorry, no transient life for me anymore). But I already miss it (especially since I won’t be there for the next Spirit of the Sit-In Movement rally).

There are no guarantees about what this summer will hold. With Twin in the big city, ChiChi in town but with a house on the side, plans with the Minimalist, beaches and Boro visits all up in the air, my professional life certainly uncertain, I couldn’t even begin to make plans. And I don’t necessarily want to. Maybe this will be my summer of freedom. And maybe I like that.

It’s been a whirlwind, friends. A whirlwind, for sure.

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