This is a Food Revolution, Not a Food Fight

Remember my onion flavored cake resolution about eating better? The one that included eating healthier food, more vegetables, less processed foods and learning to enjoy food? I realize it was a bit vague and I wasn’t sure how I was going to accomplish it.

All my questions were answered in the form of a Barnes & Noble gift card. After having the gift card for less than 2 days it was burning a hole in my pocket and my shelves were begging for another book so I headed over with no real intentions. Because it is January and other people have made similar resolutions (lose 50lbs so I can find my penis, get buns of aluminum because steel is too ambitious, cook 0 calorie food, etc) the display of books at the front was chock-full-o-diet and exercise books. That being a topic I’m always eager to learn more about, I began my happy afternoon of browsing there. It wasn’t long before I had seen enough books promoting a flat abs diet or (this is a first) a Christian approach to dieting to convince me that I would find nothing of use or interest. Right as I was about to walk away something caught my eye.

Could it be?

Why yes, it was her. Staring at me from the cover of a simple but elegant white paperback was none other than Bethenny Frankel, the non-housewife from Real Housewives of New York (a guilty pleasure). She is a self-proclaimed “ball-buster,” a well-respected natural food chef and a SkinnyGirl.

What’s a SkinnyGirl?

I had no clue either until I read the book cover to cover in something like 5 days. It was that good. So allow me to explain/persuade you to the SkinnyGirl lifestyle (no Kool Aid or track suits involved, I promise):

A SkinnyGirl is what we can all be if we learn to break our “Heavy Habits,” embrace new “Thin Thoughts,” and follow her rules to becoming “naturally thin.” I realize this sounds crazy and like every other diet or eating plan you’ve heard. Believe me, when I began the rules I was skeptical. And the first couple of times I encountered a “Thin Thoughts” blurb I had flashes to pro-ana, pro-mia websites (pro-anorexia, pro-bulimia-scary shit). But it didn’t take long for me to realize the simple wisdom in what she was saying.

The Rules:

Your diet is a bank account

You can have it all, just not all at once

Taste everything, eat nothing

Pay attention

Downsize now!

Cancel your membership in the clean plate club

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

Know thyself

Get real

Good for you

Obviously, those are a lot different from the usual no sugar, no bread, only grapefruit rules of most diet books. That’s because this isn’t a diet. Think of it as relationship counseling for your relationship with food. I know I’m beginning to sound fruity, but it really is the truth.

I could continue to gush about my newly discovered food-gem, but I know I’m going to sound crazy/gullible/hired/cultish. I suggest picking up a copy of the book if you’ve got the lovehate relationship with food that I always had. It’s worth the money if for no other reason than it includes some delicious-sounding recipes for Skinny cocktails, zucchini soufflé, and vegan coconut cupcakes.

Resolutions Schmesolutions, finalized

As promised I have my updated and finalized list of New Year’s resolutions.

Make better decisions

This resolution was spurred by a decision that I need to make regarding my summer. I need to do an internship. By need I really mean that I would consider myself a lazy bum if I don’t. My option: A) get an easy internship in my town at a place that I already have experience, B) get an internship in a field I don’t have any experience with on the opposite coast, but that could be highly lucrative and beneficial, or C) get an internship that excites me more than anything, but that might be more beneficial to me later on. I need to make this decision based on what’s best for me, my education and future career, not on how much time I’ll get to spend with my friends or where I’ll spend my birthday.

Along a similar vein, allow me to channel my former cheerleading self—“Be aggressive. Be be aggressive. B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E.” Believe it or not, I tend towards being a bit shy and soft spoken. I need to start identifying exactly what I need to do to accomplish my numerous and ambitious goals and doing it, without letting unimportant and imaginary obstacles get in my way.

Was that enough of a pep talk for you? I thought so.

Eat Better

This one has several layers, like a cake. Or an onion. I openly and proudly admit that I have a very strong lovehate relationship with food. I lovelovelove to eat and cook and read about food and watch Food Network. My foodbabies (all of which I name) and ability to eat are admired by all. I hatehatehate that most of the really good and crave worthy foods are the worst for you and that my indulgences usually leave me feeling nauseous. I need to break up with fast food and fully immerse myself in all the goodness healthier food has to offer. I also need to learn how to enjoy food more, rather than simply shoveling massive quantities of it in my mouth. Some of the layers of this cake flavored onion include: attempting to be a vegetarian, maybe even a vegan, for a few weeks, cutting out processed foods (including my new love-Capn Crunch), cook more meat (during the weeks I’m not a vegetarian/vegan, of course) and eating more vegetables (I recently discovered a taste for roasted tomatoes and found an interesting recipe for cauliflower). Which leads me into my last, biggest, and favorite resolution…

Complete a Marathon

I come from a family of fitness enthusiasts. As the more literary and less athletically inclined in the bunch, I have often wondered if I was switched at birth. Recently, though, the winds have changed and I’ve begun discovering my deeply buried love for elastic-laced sneakers and fitness magazines. In an attempt to further inundate myself into my family’s sweaty ways I’m going to follow in Papa’s footsteps and complete a marathon. He’s run several. I plan to simply finish one. Mother—the non-runner in the family—thinks I’m crazy. Part of my training will also include a half marathon. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.

I think I’ve set my sights on the Rock N’ Roll Marathon in San Diego, CA and either the Flying Pirate Half Marathon in Outer Banks, NC or the Easter Bunny Run Half Marathon in Clemson, SC (hosted by the Clemson University triathlon club, of which Brother is a member). If you decide to follow my lead and hit the pavement (just the sound of that makes my shin splints hurt), here’s a list of the most walker-friendly marathons.

I haven’t made official resolutions in quite a while mainly because I never stuck to them or took the time to think about them. My hope is that by putting them out there I’ll be more likely to stick to them. Which is where you come in…make me stick to them. Bug me. Kick my ass. Keep me honest. I’ll thank you for your efforts with a delicious, nutritious and maybe even vegan meal (or at least recipes for one).

Resolutions Schmesolutions

Yesterday was Christmas and a very merry one at that. It has changed a lot since Brother and I were younger. Mother no longer has to tell us not to get up before the sun and we no longer hide alarm clocks under our pillows to keep us from “over sleeping.” It’s less magical, but more full of extended contentedness. And wine. And vodka and club soda (my new drink, thanks to my Godmother). And cussing.

Now that “Jesus’ birthday” (it’s not actually Jesus’ birthday, it is conveniently timed with a Pagan holiday) is over, New Year’s is quickly approaching. With a little bit of luck and planning I’ll be spending the Eve in a beach house with Coco, Green Bean, Twin, Mr.

Milley*, and a few other friends. If those plans pan out I probably

even know what I’m wearing—either the same thing I wore for

The Date or something utilizing my new black, suede, over-the-knee boots (if I can rock them without looking trashy/short/pirate-like). I’ll be drinking champagne, maybe vodka and club soda once that runs out. I may even make some classy hor d’oeuvres for the occasion. The Eve isn’t a problem, like it normally is. That’s in the bag.

What is the problem are my resolutions. I recently read, though I’m not sure where, that New Year’s resolutions are simply ways to put off things you could do tomorrow. I stand behind that stance most months of the year. But this close to the line in the sand I see nothing wrong with waiting a few extra days. To me, that doesn’t mean I should do the exact opposite of my resolutions, but I will get more serious once the magical hour strikes.

I don’t remember the last time that I really made resolutions that I actually fully acknowledged and worked towards achieving. This year is going to be different. I’ve already made so many changes and improved so much, what’s a few more goals? I haven’t really come up with these resolutions yet, but I’m working on them.

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Approaching eating and exercising from a health, not appearance mindset. A sub goal of that will be to participate in either the Susan G. Koman 3-day 60-mile breast cancer walk or the Avon Foundation 2-day 39-mile walk. Both are worthwhile events, it just depends on who does it with me and how ambitious we are when we start training.

Read more non-required readings.

Learn to cook meat. For some reason, despite my great love for a big slab-o-meat, I never really cook it. I just can’t ever tell when it’s done cooking.

That’s all I’ve got so far. I’m sure I’ll think of better or different ones in the coming days. In the meantime, I’ll just eat more baked goods (chocolate biscotti, thumbprints, stollen, oh my!) and read more of my latest pleasure reading—One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (ignore the Oprah's Book Club stamp). I highly recommend all of those things.

*Mr. Milley-formerly known as Mark. It appears that due to a good report from Twin after our last encounter he's going to be a recurring figure in my life, so I figured I'd give him a name.