Fucking shit!

Up until this point I’ve been calm, cool, and collected. I barely batted an eye when I said good-bye to Coco, Twin and Brother, because I knew I would see them again soon. I thought nothing of starting to pack up my room because I had plenty of time.

Not anymore! I’m not calm, cool or collected. I’m flipping my shit. I don’t know what an anxiety attack feels like, but I may be having a mild one. Tomorrow is my last day in town! I hate this town, but it’s the only place I’ve ever really known. I saw Twin and Coco today, but I had to say good-bye to them again. We won’t meet again until November, when we go to a concert (that yes, we already bought the tickets for). I have to pack everything I could possibly need, and not one thing I don’t, because I won’t be coming home until Christmas! And I have a ton of other things to do tomorrow, some necessary, some I think are necessary, and I don’t know where I’m going to find the time to do it all.

I’m overwhelmed. I can’t handle this. I’m not a big girl. I’m a little girl that just wants to curl up in bed, suck her thumb, and sleep until everything is ok. But I can’t and I don’t know if I can handle this. I’m leaving. I’m going to college. I won’t have any of my friends or other support system there. I have to do this alone. I’ve never been alone. I’m not nearly as independent as I pretend to be.

I’m sure everyone feels this way at some point when going to college. Its normal, right? Either way, I’m still losing my grip on myself. My stomach has been eating itself for days. I’m not sleeping. I’m baking non-stop just to have something to do. Mother is trying to talk to me and doesn’t realize I’m a wreck.

Fucking shit! Shit! Shit!