Yes, m’dear friends, it is hell week here in College. Not Big University hell week where I’m being tortured and hazed all in the name of everlasting friendship and sisterhood. This is Tiny Liberal College hell week where they pile on endless amounts of work to ensure your education because 1) we are in charge of defeating the Ridiculous Right once we graduate and 2) if we’re going to do some of the crazy shit we do now we need to have some kind of intellectual justification.
Until this madness ceases I have gone into minimalist mode. I don’t have time to wash dishes, take out the trash, worry if my clothes really match, or unpack from my weekend. No, I have time for studying, some eating, and rugby.
But, because of popular demand, I will take a few moments to tell you about my weekend:
It was the first non-rugby weekend in a while, so I took the opportunity to head down to Brother’s Big State School, and invite Twin to join me. The first thing we did upon arriving (besides me make myself a drink and get reacquainted with the joins of free laundry) was head to Starfucks where we proceeded to almost relive every moment of our lives since we last saw each other. (We may be twins, but that doesn’t mean we have ESP.)
We returned to Brother’s humble abode to find two of his roommates-Yankee Doodle and In-State-and his girlfriend-Sorority Sister-setting up a beer pong table at…6!
In the immortal words of Asher Roth, “[They] love college”.
A few rounds of pong, a few drinks and a few cigarettes later I’m practically shoving pizza in Twin’s face while Brother asks her if she hates her vagina. Why all of this was going on, I’m not quite sure, but if I knew it would certainly be a long, complicated story.
We woke up the next morning to find that Twin had eaten half an expired candy apple and threw pretzel sticks around the apartment. The rest of Saturday day was pretty lazy. Some Starfucks, some homework, some football with a Fucktard girl. Brother, Sorority Sister and In-State had to leave for a sorority hoe-down, so Twin and I made dinner for Yankee Doddle and that Fucktard girl. Steamed rice, a sautéed vegetable medley, and chicken from the George Forman grill. Of course, only Twin and I ate the vegetables.
Then, we continued to drink heavily. We played three different card games (all of which I remember!). From there on, though, nothing. Here’s my night as told by Twin:
We got really drunk. I took my bra off at some point and Brother didn’t approve. I threw up over Brother’s second story balcony and a guy visiting downstairs took that as a sign to climb up the side of the building and chat. I talked with him for a long time, but since he was from Maryland most of our conversation consisted of me asking him if he knew every person I knew from Maryland. I then threw up some more (I think in Brother’s bathroom, but she didn’t specify). At some point I texted the Minimalist this sweet little nothing:
“I’m shit faced and I miss you. Do you miss me?”
He responded: “Of course I miss you. Have fun, drunky.”
So romantic.
I woke up the next morning still in my clothes, sans bra, and feeling like legit-shit. Twin and I said our good-byes, I packed up my stuff and eventually left. Four hours later I was home. Then, still hung-over mind you, I went to visit the Minimalist who really did miss me.
At one point will hugging him my nose was close to his armpit and he warned me not to smell him because his version of romantic is not showering or taking care of himself all weekend and drinking heavily so no random girls would try to talk to him.
And that is why I like him.
I eventually left his place and returned to mine. For once I didn’t spend the night. I actually needed to get some sleep. And now I’m in the thick of midterms, battling for my life, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel-Friday.
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